PART I: THE PREPARATION
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the name of ALLAH, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Without getting into too many details. For the purpose of this series and this blog, I wish to put the following statement forward as this is the foundation.
Salah is a conversation with Allah
By way of proof,
Book 4, Number 1123: Sahih Al Bukhari
Anas b. Malik reported: The Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: When any one of you is engaged in prayer, he is holding intimate conversation with his Lord…
Also, I can safely infer that Salah is a Highly FORMAL, yet very intimate conversation. I derive this from the following facts:
- The conversation is with someone who is unimaginably superior to us our lord.
- Every aspect of salah – (action and words) have been taught to us.
- There is a very precise structure to the communication with Allah.
So, these are my thoughts on – HIGHLY EFFECIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS – using Salah as a template. I am going to attempt to put forward the frame work for communication by using aspects of salah and corelating the two.
I start at the very beginning – a very good place to start.
PREPARING FOR COMMUNICATION
As in Salah, any communication scenario where I have had any measure of success are the ones for which I have prepared well. I KNOW from experience, that if I am not sufficiently prepared, I will fail. This could apply to a meeting with the MD of the company as easily as it could apply to a conversation with my daughter.
I am a veteran of communication failures. I used to believe that logic was a good foundation for any communication. I was wrong. Logic has nothing to do with anything related to effective communication. Sure, it sets a tone, but what matters is conviction, if anything and of course – Planning and Preparation.
The way we prepare for any communication should ideally mirror the way we prepare for salah. Salah requires the following pre-conditions to be satisfied before we communicate with ALLAH:
- Cleanliness (Taharah)
- Covering of the Body (Sitr-E-Aurah)
- Facing the Qiblah
- Time (Waqt)
- Intention (Niyah)
“How?” you ask, “is this template universal?”
“Fair enough” say I, “Let’s explore”
Cleanliness – Good presence and Grooming:
I walk into a room, I am dirty, disheveled and smell like I ran a mile in the hot, midday sun. You see me come across the room to talk to. What is your reaction?
You beam a warm smile at me and come forward, take my sweaty palms and give me a warm handshake and follow it up with a big hug, completely ignoring my dirt and foul smell? “Fat chance!” right?
It is more likely, that based on the level of intimacy we share you will:
- Avoid me
- Politely show me your displeasure
- Grab me before I enter the room and tell me I need to go clean up first.
Allah said in the Qur’an
Chapter 7:31
O children of Adam, take your adornment at every place of prayer. Eat and drink, but not to excess. Verily, He does not love those who commit excess.
Chapter 9: 108
Do not stand [for prayer] within it – ever. A mosque founded on righteousness from the first day is more worthy for you to stand in. Within it are men who love to purify themselves; and Allah loves those who purify themselves.
Al-Ghazali writes:
Iḥyā’ ‘Ulūm al-Dīn 1/137
This aim (of cleanliness) is an obligation upon every knowledgeable person tasked with presenting the creation with the call to Allah Almighty, that he takes care of his outward appearance so as not to compel people to avoid him.
It is not only necessary for a person of strong faith and character to be presentable but also it is obligatory upon us to be clean, dress appropriately and carry our self well. It aids immensely in the way we are perceived and helps with both the purpose and flow of the communication. This concept is universal – it isn’t situational except in the measure of cleanliness and grooming.
Covering of the Body – Appropriate attire:
Every setting has its suitable attire. I can’t wear shorts and Hawaii shirts to the office, any more than I can wear business suits to the beach.
Striking a balance is necessary. I observe the world moving more towards attires that are more frugal. In a sense, the more the human race has progressed, the more the practice of clothing has de-evolves.
In Islam, clothing has been equated with 2 things.
- Hijab – The basic required level of clothing for sake of modesty and propriety.
- Adornment – The next level of clothing. Based on occasion and requirement – but fulfilling the requirements of Hijab.
Allāh stated in the Qur’an:
Chapter 7:26
“O children of Adam! Surely, we have bestowed upon you a garment to cover your shame, as well as to be an adornment to you, and the garment of piety is the best”
Allah has provided us with garments for basic cover and also as fine adornment. Therefore, logic tells us that as long as we meet the requirements of Hijab, adornment is left to discretion.
No? Not so? Ahhhh yes! I forgot. Thank you for reminding me.
Yes, as you rightly pointed out, there are specific “do not(s)” we have to keep in mind with regards to adornments as well. These prohibitions, are stated in various Hadith and Qur’an with regards to
- Material,
- Colour
- Distinction between men and women
- Occasion
One universal aspect is avoidance of adornment for vanity or pride.
For sake of brevity, I will only indicate the references rather than quote the hadith and Qur’an.
References:
Quran:
Chapter 7: 32; Chapter 24:30 (action); Chapter 24:31, Chapter 33:59
Hadith:
Sahih al-Bukhari 5847 (colour); Sahih Muslim 2085 f; Sahih al-Bukhari 5633; Sahih al-Bukhari 5791; Sahih al-Bukhari 1239; Sahih al-Bukhari 2886
I could go on but suffice it to say, we have been guided with regarding to ruling on clothing during our lives, occasions – even for when we die.
I must then make an effort to determine what clothes I wear based on the intent, occasion and nature of communication.
Facing the Qiblah – The person(s) you communicate with:
Look, I know Allah is everywhere. I truly do.
Allah says:
Chapter 2:115
‘And Allah’s is the East and West, therefore, whither you turn, thither is Allah’s purpose…
Chapter 2:142
“Says: The East and the West belong only to Allah: He guides whom He likes to the right path.”
So, I have no doubts to the omnipresence of Allah. But I do need to face in some direction to pray to Allah. With regards to direction HE ordered:
Chapter 2:144
Turn then your face in the direction of the Sacred Mosque. Wherever you are, turn your faces in that direction. The people of the Book know well that it is the truth from their Lord.
So, I turn to the sacred mosque when I want to converse with Allah.
So too, with people, I turn to them when I speak with them (as I keep reminding my son to do).
- With an individual, it is direct.
- In a group, eye contact with everyone – as possible.
Neglecting even one person is neither an option nor proper form. We know all this so I won’t delve into it.
What of interruptions and priorities though? Ah! Now here is an interesting point and an interesting story for you. Listen to one who is more eloquent than I.
Point to ponder from the video: How many times do we do this with our friends? Our colleagues? How many times with our spouses? How many times in a day do we do this to our kids? May Allah forgive, us for the seriousness of the crime, how many times do we do this with our PARENTS? The lapses, in proper communication etiquette, we have on a daily basis.
Turn to and address everyone as appropriate. Easier said than done? I don’t know. Have we really tried?
Time and communication
SubhanAllaah! A topic by itself. I will therefore only highlight certain aspects and provide references for your benefit. Leaving this topic to be elaborated in another blog. In sha Allah
Time in co-relation with communication yields following 4 highlights for me:
Communicating on time – This means:
- Communication of information at the appointed time
- Communication before it becomes redundant.
- Being available at the appointed time for communication.
When a time is fixed (and agreed upon) for a conversation or communication, then the communication must happen on or before the completion of the time (as applicable). It is the duty of all the parties to be present and it is the responsibility of the communicator to dispense the message as best possible. Failure to any of this, results in chaos and failure in the objective of communication.
For context, corelate this to Salah on time – 5 times a day.
An example from our lives could be, failing to meet a client update deadline or failure of a messenger to get war correspondence across before a vital manoeuvre.
References:
Quran
- Chapter 11:144 (Fajr, Magrib, Isha)
- Chapter 2:238 (Asr)
- Chapter 30:17 (Fajr, MAgrib, Duhr and Asr)
- Chapter 50:39 (fajr, dhuhr, asr, isha and tahajjud)
Communication at the right time: This means: providing information or communicating when the time is right.
At certain times, having a bird’s eye view, I may dispense information when it becomes relevant or when the appropriate time arises.
To communicate the information ahead of time or post the event may not serve the purpose and sometimes it may even be counterproductive.
It has a measure of personal prerogative or initiative to withhold and/or dole out information as and when it becomes relevant or if it will undermine the task at hand.
Corelate this to the makruh times for salah and recommended times for salah e.g. third part of the night, Taraweeh which happens exclusively in Ramadan, salat for rain or even salat ul janazah.
A very good example of this is post the demise of Abu Bakar (R.A) and the day Umar (R.A) was appointed as Khalifa, a messenger was sent to Abu Ubaydah (R.A), appointing him as the leader of the Muslim armies in place of Khaled bin Waleed (R.A).
At that time the Muslim armies were involved in a siege in Damascus and action against a Roman column at the same time. Abu Ubaydah (R.A) was shocked by the news and was reluctant to change command as Khaled (RA) was conducting the campaign both ably and beyond reproach. He felt Khaled bin Waleed (RA) was a better military tactician and leader in the current situation. So, he cautioned the messenger to secrecy and withheld the information till after the campaign was done and the Muslims had achieved victory.
References:
Quran:
- Chapter 4:103 (importance of salah at prescribed times)
- Chapter 2:238, 239
- Chapter 19: 59, 60
Hadith:
- Sahih al-Bukhari 523
- Sahih al-Bukhari 526
- Sahih al-Bukhari 527
- Sahih al-Bukhari 528
Amount of time spent on communication (concentration and focus): This Means: The length of time one spends on a particular communication – highlighting the right and courtesy of focus, concentration and attention.
The best kind of communications is one where both parties are not hurried and take the time to understand and comprehend what is being communicated.
Hurrying communication places stress on the deliverer and is an over estimation of the receiver’s ability to comprehend pertinent data. I believe, hurried conversations are based on pride, arrogance and disrespect. They have no correlation on value of time of either individual and is mostly a tool to avoid communication without stating it.
Spend time in communication, it is a show of love, compassion and consideration. How could any communication go wrong with such elements in play?
Corelate it to hurrying Salah and “elevator pitch” (an extremely unworthy concept).
Reference:
Quran: Chapter 2:238; Chapter 73:4;
Link: https://submittoallahofficial.blogspot.com/2018/08/dont-rush-in-salah-powerful-reminder.html (I cannot explain it better)
Intention (niyah):
By far the most important factor in determining the outcome of the communication. As with salah, the intent to communicate is very critical. I am not talking about just the verbal aspect but also the intent within the heart. BOTH impact the outcome of the communication.
The intent of the heart determines the intent of the action and subsequently determines what is said. The intent of the receiver equally determines the outcome of the conversation.
Both the initiator and the receiver must have clean intent of heart and tongue to benefit from any communication. With Salah, I have it easy. Half the intent is as it should be (Alla’s) – the other half, my niyah is what requires work and effort. With HIS ‘abds it is a more testing proposition.
This concludes Part I: PREPERATION in the series of Salah and Effective Communication.
As we work further into the series, we will break down components of Salah and look at them in more detail as templates to Effective Communication.
As it is the truth, I will declare that Allah is the source of all that is good in this write up and everything that is faulty or inaccurate stems from my own failing.
Allah is the source of all information and may HE guide us to knowledge that is beneficial and be our armour and shield from knowledge that is not.
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
